Ya’ll remember the original Z. Vex Super Hard-On dontcha? Well, we do. Granted, it’s, uhm… hard to remember them all, but some definitely linger in the mind, and the original Super Hard-On was a memorable hard-on indeed. We first interviewed Z. Vex founder Zachary Vex in our May 2002 issue, and he’s continued to successfully explore the seductive GSpot we all so love to visit ever since. Earlier this year the new Vextron Series was launched, and we received a couple of new models for your consideration. This month we’re stomping on the Distortron, and we’ll tease you with the Mastotron next month.

Oh, geez… another pedal review. You know, you could easily just spend the rest of your life reading pedal reviews and posts while completely losing whatever chops you had when you started, but this concise review deserves your rapt attention. Here’s why:

Gonzo distortion pedals are fun, but wouldn’t it be nice to find a compact pedal that nails both the bluesy, marginally busted-up ‘clean boost’ vibe and the intensity of a great high-gain distortion device while remaining exceptionally musical without all the dissonance and skrackle that plagues ordinary distortion pedals? Well, that’s exactly what the Distortron does. The toggled Lo and Hi Gain settings gracefully bridge all the variable levels of distortion you could possibly need, and managing Drive and Volume settings with the volume you choose on your amp, there are really no limits to what the Distortron can do— from the mild blues-rock voice of early tweed, to full modern sustain and scalded dog. Most importantly, this little box spews no trash whatsoever, it’s dead quiet, plays well with others, and you can twiddle the Tone control and 3-position ‘Subs’ toggle to dial in a massively fat voice or slightly less porcine variations that really do a nice job of anchoring yer low end and treble to taste with all the major 6string food groups and different amps. Now, look… unlike some other places that publish gear reviews to be read on the crapper, we’re not telling you this just because we needed to fill some space again or we’re getting a fat check from Z. Vex. Understand? Spending your money on another pedal is serious business. How the hell can anyone really know what’s good, let alone great when there are more pedals being humped today than you could play in a lifetime? Huh? Well, that’s why you read this, instead of that, and we take the responsibility for vicariously spending your money very seriously. The Distortron will probably change your life. Just take your time with it… Indulge in a little foreplay first, and the rest will come. It’s truly a beautiful sounding and remarkably versatile tool that now lives on our pedal board, and it ain’t comin’off. If you wanna rock, by all means, rock on this. Quest forth… TQ


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